While I had been more youthful, there are days that i might hope to God, Jesus, the traveling Spaghetti Monster and Oprah Winfrey to grant me one single boon: a boyfriend. Then one day, against all probabilities, my prayers were answered. The funny thing is actually, as soon as I got a guy, I knew there have been lots of other things in daily life that i desired a lot more:

1. 
   Beyonce-level confidence.
   
   Keeping men around to tell you that you are fairly regarding the typical has its upsides, but an authentic, bona-fide personal sense of slay? I’m
   
   thus
   
   over experience like
   unattractive one in my good friend party
   . Imagine some sort of for which you have every place you head into as you have no need for everyday compliments to prop enhance self-confidence and I also believe we’re going to get on the exact same page right here.
2. 
   a bathtub for a lengthy period to lie down flat in.
   
   Sometimes, I however dream of days past while I was still short sufficient that i possibly could lay-down inside the bath tub and lurk beneath the liquid like a half-mermaid, half-sea monster. Boyfriends are ok, but fully immersive bubble baths? That isn’t also actually fair on male sex, whenever we’re being completely honest right here.
3. 
   Countless girls’ nights.
   
   I’m talking do-it-yourself facials, sweet sleepwear, off-key karaoke therefore much pizza that a doctor was skillfully compelled to advise against it. Raising up-and you get older means sometimes, both you and your finest gals end up living so far from one another that even arranging a Skype sesh may be a headache. Give me personally complete entry to my girls on need and a VHS of
   
   Quite Lady
   
   on repeat and that I’ll provide a woman who could compose complete operas on precisely why internet dating is, like, not even that fun in any event.
4. 
   Facial skin very clear I never have to put on basis once more.
   
   I’m virtually over casually making make-up on actually every area that my face variations, and honestly? Long-lasting, the cost of base and the price of those fancy supper dates probably evens out.
5. 
   a resume that renders other people say,
   
   “Damn, girl.”
   
   
   There is a large number of stories about career women who tragically give up intimate love for their particular love of the hustle. But sometimes, with regards to is like
   all of our jobs are destroying the love life
   … maybe we should allow them to.
   
   So
   
   sorry I couldn’t get to the 5-year engagement wedding,
   
   Rhonda
   
   , but between my position as a hollywood butt critic and my personal evening gig as Chris Evans’ hand bra, in which would I find the time?
6. 
   Practically every puppy i have actually observed.
   
   I’m not sure in which i’d keep them all or where you might get much puppy food, in case you do not think I would end up being bypassing night out because i must stroll my real army of Great Danes, Golden Retrievers, Shih-Tzus and Welsh Corgies, you’re dead incorrect.
7. 
   A set of 6-inch party pumps that don’t provide me personally sores.
   
   I would ike to get back from a cocktail-party at 2 in the morning without having to choose between switching into comfortable boots or bandaging my personal bleeding feet and you’ll never hear myself speak about my love life ever again.
8. 
   Eyebrows very sharp, they might destroy men.
   
   I’m not asking for a prize for any earth’s the majority of Lethal Eyebrows or such a thing right here (although, that might be cool as well). I recently desire my brows to-be so on-point and symmetrical that they technically count as a lethal gun. Is the fact that much to inquire about?
9. 
   Unrestricted accessibility Rhianna’s cabinet.
   
   Maybe throw-in a few discerning handbags and a getaway auto. Sorry, boys, i am in a long-term commitment with seventy-three questionably acquired garments now. Get a number, maybe?
10. 
    The opportunity to switch my outstanding student education loans into Chicken McNuggets.
    
    Ordinarily, companies balk within notion of “eating the debt”, but i do believe in cases like this i possibly could hit almost everything in about a month or so… and I also’m undecided that anybody would even
    
    wish
    
    as of yet me after that.
11. 
    Brand-new periods of buddies, just Ross isn’t in almost any of them.
    
    This can be a give up I’m prepared to make not merely for me but for all humankind: in return for my personal relationship, we have six months of a Friends reunion tv series whereby Ross can make zero shows and his awesome absence goes totally unmentioned. Joey and Phoebe can be found in proper lasting union and Rachel’s hair is very gentle and silky so it moves the woman Tinder times to rips. You’re welcome, world.
12. 
    A truly good wi-fi hookup.
    
    Comprehensive disclosure: there’s been days in which i have pondered basically must have currently some one, or if I just want somebody available to you to turn the router down and back on once more in my situation. Sorry dudes â€” the facts affects.
13. 
    Miraculously complimentary first-class flight tickets.
    
    In fact, I would personally settle for free airline tickets, duration. If you are touring by yourself, you don’t need to feel harmful to hogging both armrests.
14. 
    Two words: summertime getaway.
    
    Chasing after a guy will get dull or boring before long, but I’ll most likely never end going after the sweet, sweet liberation of the last-day-of-school feel for the remainder of living. See myself trade in my personal boyfriend for three months (yearly) of popsicles, drinking water slides and coastline reads… and I also’ll never ever review.
15. 
    a fulfilling feeling of function separate of my connections.
    
    When outdated buddies and associates ask me personally what I’m undertaking with my existence, i do want to be able to answer these with something other than some dude’s name. In life, men can come and go â€” so when they are eliminated, you’ll find nothing overrated about having something else entirely to toss all of our energies into. I am a strong believer whenever you are not dating a significant some other, you need to be internet dating yourself. You can find horizons available that do not incorporate plus-ones â€” and solitary or perhaps not, there’s no pity in attempting to find all of them.